You are showing up to Mass, trying to pray, going to confession when you can, trying not to lose your patience at home but there are weeks when you look at yourself and think, “I should be further along than this by now.” The same weaknesses remain. The same distractions come back. The same old frustrations continue to appear.
What makes it harder is that holiness is often imagined as something you would be more aware of, almost like getting to a new level where prayer comes more easily and virtue starts to come naturally. But for most people, especially during the middle of work, family life, and regular responsibilities, the growth looks far less dramatic than that.
Here’s what you’ll take away:
- Why holiness appears to be slower than you think
- What real growth normally looks like over the years
- Why dryness isn’t a sign of failure
- How silent habits build up a holy life
What Holiness Actually Means in Ordinary Life
One reason why holiness can seem confusing is that we often assume that holiness looks dramatic. We picture a holy person as someone who is always inspired, someone who is deeply moved in prayer, or someone who is visibly different in some way that everyone notices. But in everyday life, holiness tends to look much quieter than that.
At its heart, holiness is constant cooperation with grace. It is learning to respond to God in a consistent way, even when your emotions are flat and your schedule is full and nothing about the day is particularly spiritual. Most of the time, growth occurs in very ordinary places: how you answer your wife when you are tired, how you manage frustration with your kids, how quickly you turn back to God after a bad moment.
That also means holiness is not:
- Constant spiritual highs
- Visible perfection
- Becoming impressive to other people
A man can pray every day and still be dry. He can still suffer from impatience, distraction or weakness. Holiness does not mean those struggles are gone overnight. Often it means that they start losing some of their control.
A holy man may simply be:
- More patient than he was five years ago
- More honest about his faults
- Less reactive to being frustrated
- Faster to repent than to defend himself
Listen: TCMS Conversations on Starting with Jesus
If holiness feels slow or unclear, it helps to hear other men talk about it honestly. These conversations from The Catholic Man Show continue to come back to the same point: Real growth often starts when you stop chasing a feeling and go back to Christ in normal life. Think of this like a simple listening path you can work your way through on a commute, a walk or a quiet stretch of the day when you need to gain perspective.
Start here
This episode sets the tone right. Spiritual growth does not start when life finally gets organized or when prayer becomes powerful.
Go deeper
A practical conversation about how small habits, daily order, and simple routines often matter more than the occasional spurt of motivation when you are trying to grow steadily.
If you feel spiritually stuck
A conversation about comfort and distraction and why spiritual dullness often has less to do with failing and more to do with settling into habits that slowly weaken desire for deeper things.
Why Growth Often Feels Invisible While It Is Happening
One of the most difficult aspects of the spiritual life is that true growth is seldom obvious during the process. Most days do not close with the feeling that you are becoming holier. More often, the day seems like an ordinary day, sometimes messy, and you’re left wondering if anything is actually changing.
Growth Usually Shows Up in Small Shifts
Most spiritual growth occurs in ways that are easy to overlook because they are not dramatic. The struggles in many cases will still be there but your response slowly begins to change.
- You still lose your patience, but you recover faster
- You still fall into familiar weaknesses, but you don’t defend them so quickly anymore
- You still get distracted in prayer, but you go back without giving up
Those are small movements, but they matter. A man does not usually become holy by suddenly becoming flawless. More often, he becomes a little more honest, a little less reactive, and a little more willing to begin again.
Time Makes the Change Easier to See
Growth is often easier to recognize when you look back over years rather than days. In the moment, all progress is slow, because you’re living in it. But when you compare who you are now to how you handled pressure, or failure, or conflict a few years ago, the difference often becomes clearer.
You can still have the same weaknesses but they don’t control the entire atmosphere of your life the way they used to.
Other People Often Notice First
One strange thing about holiness is that often the people around you notice it before you do. Your wife may notice that you are listening better. Your children may experience more stability. A friend may notice that you are less sharp, less defensive, or simply more present.
What Usually Changes First Over the Years
When growth is real, the first changes are often subtle. You may still be the same person in many ways, but the things you do daily begin to feel different. Not perfect, just steadier.
Your Reactions Slow Down
One of the first indications of growth is that you do not react as quickly as before. The irritation still arises, the feeling of frustration still appears, but often there is a little pause that was not there a few years back.
You might still feel angry, but it doesn’t have as easy of a hold on you. You become more capable of holding your tongue, stepping back, or choosing not to let one difficult moment shape the whole evening.
That often looks like:
- Less impulsive frustration
- More restraint in conversations
- A little more patience when things go awry
Your Prayer Gets Simpler
Over time, prayer tends to become less about trying to sound spiritual and more about being honest. Early on, many people have an expectation that prayer will be profound or emotionally strong. Later, it often gets quiet and more direct.
You stop trying to manufacture the right feeling. You pray less with words and more with sincerity.
That can mean:
- Less performance
- Less pressure to “feel something”
- More honesty about weakness, distraction, and dependence on God
Your Priorities Become Clearer
As years go by, some things just cease to matter as much as they used to. The urge to chase after every distraction, to prove yourself all the time, to lose yourself in the noise of it all, starts to lose some of its pull.
You begin to see what is really worth paying attention to.
- Less energy spent on things that don’t matter
- More attention to your family, prayer and responsibilities
- A better understanding of what needs to be protected and what can be let go
Try This One Thing This Week
Keep this simple and realistic. The point is not to make a radical change to your spiritual life in a week. It is to pay attention to one small area where grace may already be inviting growth.
Day 1-2
Notice one repeated weakness without excusing it. Maybe it is impatience, distraction, sharpness in speech, or not praying when the day is hectic. Just notice it clearly and name it honestly.
Day 3-5
Set aside five honest minutes of prayer every day, even if you feel distracted. Do not strive for a perfect prayer experience. Just be present, speak simply, and come back when your mind wanders.
Day 6-7
Choose a single concrete act of patience, restraint or charity that costs you something small. It may be listening better, talking in a more gentle manner or being calm in a situation where you would normally be reacting.
FAQs
Why does holiness feel slow?
Because most spiritual growth happens through ordinary choices repeated over time. It usually feels slow because the changes are small while they are happening.
What if I still struggle with the same sins?
That does not automatically mean nothing is changing. Often the difference is in how quickly you return, how honestly you repent, and whether you stop excusing it.
Does dryness mean prayer is failing?
No. Prayer often becomes deeper when it feels less emotional, because you are learning to stay faithful without relying on feelings.
Can busy fathers really grow spiritually?
Yes. For many fathers, growth happens through ordinary faithfulness in work, family life, and simple daily prayer.
How do I know if I’m changing?
Look at your habits over time. Sometimes the clearest signs are more patience, more honesty, and steadier reactions than before. spiritual growth
