What If God Actually Takes Me Seriously?
A lot of us say we want God’s will until we imagine what it might cost. What if he asks me to leave the work I love? What if holiness means poverty? What if he takes the success I finally earned? We start treating God like the person most likely to ruin the good life we built.
That fear showed up for me not long after we started the Catholic radio station in Tulsa. I had a good career. I liked the work, and I was good at it. In adoration, I finally admitted the thing hanging around in the back of my mind: I was afraid God would call me into full-time ministry and make me walk away from everything I had prepared to do.
An Honest Prayer Beats a Polished One
The prayer was not impressive. It was honest: “Jesus, I want to follow you, but I am afraid that if I say yes, you will make me do this, and I do not want to do it. I am afraid of you and what you might ask of me.”
Only after saying that could I answer: “If that is what you want, I will do it. But I still want you to know I do not want to.” I was in column yes – reluctantly, begrudgingly, but yes.
Then the fear lifted. The impression in prayer was simple: “I just wanted your yes. I am not going to ask you to do that. I did not want you to keep it from me.” God wanted all of me, including the corner I was guarding from him.
What We Withhold Starts to Poison Us
God is the source of life. When we take even a small part of ourselves and remove it from him, that part begins to die. The death spreads like gangrene of the soul. Yes, saying that death grows sounds like an oxymoron. It still happens.
Years later, success brought the same test in a new form. The temptation became, “Look what I can do. I can take care of myself now.” Underneath it was the old fear: if I surrender this success, God may make me give it away. So the prayer had to return: “Jesus, I am a begrudging yes. Save me from wanting to remain one.”
Surrender is not a box you checked ten years ago. Creation itself teaches repetition: the sun rises and sets; the seasons return. God says repent again, come back again, grow again, give me your yes again.
His Will Is Not a Prosperity Scheme
None of this means that surrender is a transaction where you give God ten dollars and he sends back a hundred. That is prosperity gospel, and that is not the deal. Every path through this life includes suffering. Take that to the bank.
But God’s will is still the path of the greatest happiness available to you on earth because happiness comes from living in right order with him. The thing that looks terrifying beforehand can later become the doorway to an unexpected blessing – not always comfort or money, but the good of becoming the man you were made to be.
God put you here to do something noble in your family and community, something that requires your cooperation. No one else can give him your particular yes. If all you have today is a reluctant one, give him that. Then tomorrow, do it again.
Listen to the Full Episode
Listen to the full TCMS episode for the complete adoration story and a candid conversation about fear, surrender, success, spiritual dryness, prayer, and hope: Hope is for the Man in the Middle on Spotify
